Gratitude for Loss

Taste, Smell, and Embrace it.

It has been more than six months since I have posted. I was hopeful to post weekly, then monthly, but my mental and physical health has been an obstacle since spring. As I continue to try to manage and cope with Long COVID, which required me to take a leave from work, I try to be grateful for the time I spend with my family and friends. And while I thought I could take some time to enjoy the activities that bring me joy, like painting and writing, the creativity would not come. And I am back to trying hard to not try so hard. One of my practitioners that helped me during this difficult stretch, Kate, suggested I be grateful for my loss. I remember thinking, How can I be grateful for something I lost? I thought I could only be grateful for something I had. But she was right. I am grateful to learn how to slow down, lean into taking care of myself, and practice self-compassion. While I didn’t write for longer than I liked, I am now and looking forward to resuming writing my novel and more poetry.

Fortunately, my writing gave back to me during my leave. My narrative essay, “Taste, Smell, and Embrace it.” was published in Grand Dame Literary (see link below), and my poem “Making ourselves new” was part of Dartmouth Health’s Creative Arts Program at the 5th Annual Dartmouth Health Arts and Humanities in Medicine Symposium last month.

“Taste, Smell, and Embrace it.” https://www.grandedameliterary.com/post/taste-smell-and-embrace-it

Making ourselves new

How do I redefine myself? 

Fatigued—

yet passionate

Weak—

yet vulnerably strong

Breathless—

yet I have a voice

Chronic—

yet I am acutely aware 

of constantly saying goodbye to the old me 

And trying to welcome the new

Not shiny

But not spark-less either.